mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
