I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
