i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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