I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
