My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
