Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
