how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
