How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
