Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
is wine microwaveable?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
