my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
