i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress