do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We talked him into tasing himself.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
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Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.