I am spending my child support on dildos
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on