My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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