a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
