Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
