i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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