Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
