Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
