I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize