just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
