How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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