You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize