I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
