I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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