The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
