So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
