I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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