I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
