Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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