Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
