He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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