did you get engaged???
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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