We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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