Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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