update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
