Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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