At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
