i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
