The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize