I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
