Three words: puerto rican gang bang
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
just found out that she named her cat after me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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