You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
