Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize