I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
