i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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