she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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