I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
