3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
