Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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