I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
