she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
