how can u be prego again
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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