You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
