sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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