People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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