I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
