if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
