I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
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So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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