White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
