Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
