evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
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I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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