I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
