"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just found a bag of teeth...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
