if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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