Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
false alarm, still single
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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