We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
