i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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