True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
