If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
